7 weeks 1 day

So February 9th  was my 3rd beta. I was 5 weeks and 5 days at that point. My beta was 9,900. I expected it to be much higher since my beta 7 days prior had been 2174. My nurse seemed to think that was a good number so I tried not to worry. My first viability scan is scheduled for this Tuesday (feb 21). The technician is super dingy and runs late so I’m not at all excited. She usually misses everything on the scans and then I end up being sent to the main clinic, 3 hours away. This causes lots of worry, time, and money. I remember during my final follicle scan before retrieval, she couldn’t find any of my follicles. I ended up bawling, the entire rest of the day. My clinic 3 hours away requested I come in the next day on a Saturday. I was scheduled to work so I had to call in. Turned out all of my follicles were fine and there. Then when I showed up for my final lining check before transfer, she wasn’t there. I Facebook messaged her, and she was like, “Oh I forgot you were coming.” Come on!!! I ended up being 3 hours late for work. Living in a small town with very limited resources sucks. So now I’m just imagining myself in her exam room with the probe shoved up my whoo-ha and her saying, “hmmm..I’m not finding a baby”.

So symptoms are hit and miss. Breast tenderness, occasional nausea, and white discharge is mainly it. I’m not peeing a lot, only occasional headaches, not much bloat, no more hungriness than normal.

I made the mistake of starting to check my cervix. Not everyday, more like every 3rd day. Everything was completely closed until yesterday. Yesterday it was open! I’m not saying I could shove a finger in there but it was not closed either. This sent me into total panic. I was convinced this meant imminent miscarriage. Now I’m not bleeding but the very occasional cramps are deep..like the kind you get right before a bad period.

I haven’t let myself get too excited or happy this entire time. None of our embryos were PGS tested so I have no idea if they were even normal. I have been genetically tested for many common genetic abnormalities and I only came up positive for MTHFR gene mutation (hetero) which is less severe compared to homo. I was tested by a different clinic and my current clinic doesn’t seem to understand what it is. They just prescribed me more folic acid which is toxic to someone with MTHFR. anyways, if was explained to me that if I were to test positive for more deterimental genetic problems, then they would test my husband. I’m not sure why it really would matter whether I did or not. I would think if he has a line of problems, that would be just as likely to causes problems with the baby.

I feel so negative today..I’m on this kick that something will be wrong or everything will be right and then it will just all of the sudden, take a bad turn.

I’m impatiently waiting for Tuesday.

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