24 weeks

it’s been some time since my last post! My bump is becoming increasingly large 🙂 she’s so beautiful, I just can’t believe this is really happening. My hemorrhage finally healed at 18 weeks although I’m still being follow by a high risk OB which is fine by me. That means more sonograms 🙂

its a little girl!! We found out at 11 weeks via blood test and there were no other abnormalities found ❤️

Here is a pretty little picture of her. IMG_3917.JPG

10 weeks, 6 days

I have shockingly made it to this point. I have no idea how but I feel very grateful as so many of my IVF friends have either lost their pregnancies or their transfers didn’t work. It is a heavy feeling..I wanted it to work for everyone.

My hematoma has caused me 2 hospital stays and weekly check-ups at the OB. Last they checked, the hematoma had grown from .6cm to 10 cm. I haven’t bled in 2 days which is amazing..I think. I rented a Doppler and I check on the baby twice a day to be sure everything is still good in there. The baby’s heart beat is usually pretty high ranging from 185-195 bpm.

I was released from RE and my last PIO, baby aspirin, estradiol tablets, and estradiol patch  will be on the 25th. I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified.  Everything that has been supporting my child through this bleed is going to stop cold turkey. As much reassurance as I’ve received, I’m still uneasy.

I go for a 3D/4D sonogram Monday and then follow up on Tuesday with my OB. We shall see.

Hematoma

It was confirmed that my hematoma has grown at least 10 times bigger than it was 2 weeks ago. It is surrounding around 50 percent of the placenta and sack. Shockingly, baby seems to be doing well despite all of the pressure from the blood. You can see in the sonogram the dark area above the baby is the hematoma. No one seems to have a plan or answers except to wait it out. I go tomorrow to my RE so we will see what they say. Edit: my maiden last name is listed because my insurance company pretty much just refuses to change my last name. I would really love that fixed. IMG_2515

9 weeks

So it’s been A couple of weeks since my last post. About 9 days ago, I was sitting in my car fixing to go home when I felt a large gush of liquid down there. I frantically went to look and it was bright red blood. I kept gushing over and over. I started to cry as I knew this was the end. I called my husband (multiple times) and told him to get his ass out to the car because I needed to get to the ER. At this point it was all over my pants and car seat. By the time I walked in the lobby, it was pouring down my leg. The cramps were terrible and my head was pounding. After waiting an eternity, a u/s tech came back and did the abdominal sonogram. I cringed waiting for news…he said, “well, there’s your baby. It’s heart is beating 175 bpm.” My husband asked him to repeat it and I just started bawling. I thought “there is no damn way”.

The doctor came in and said she doesn’t know why I am bleeding so heavily but she suspects it’s the hematoma. That’s a lot of blood for a .6 cm hematoma. I was sent home on bedrest. I laid in bed all that Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I stopped bleeding that Saturday night. By Monday morning I was bleeding brown. I had no bleeding Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and most of Friday. I started bleeding Black Friday evening. I laid around and took it easy. I had no bleeding by Saturday morning.

So last night, we went to eat at a friends house. We haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy because we are fearful of the outcome. There were many people there. The host was talking to me while we ate and in the middle of her sentence, I felt a huge gush. “You have got to be shitting me”. I started crying. How mortifiting. My friend lives in a very nice home with very nice furtinure. Here I am, sitting in her gorgeous dining room with her very expensive dining chair, bleeding all in it. To top it off, all of these people are eating. I had to tell everyone what was going on. There was blood everywhere. It was on the floor, on the chair, all over my pants and legs.

I decided to wait this one out at home. They won’t do anything at the clinic anyways. I called my RE and they seem unconcerned. After I profusely apologized to my friend for ruining her chair, I decided I should just stay at home from now on.

Im so worried about our little pea, but I keep waiting and expecting the worst but I’m hoping for the best. I have a regular scan planned for Wednesday. I’m ready to get some answers

ER Visit

So yesterday as I was walking through the grocery store, that nagging pain started coming back. It starts off in the right side of the pelvic area, radiates to the left and sends shooting pains throughout the entire pelvic region. This started really bad on Sunday evening after I had two long photo shoots. Monday morning, I went to my regular job and while out at car drop-off, I started having the pains again and by the afternoon, it was back again. This time it worried me, because it was starting to become unbearable. I knew I was scheduled for an ultrasound today, but I was terrified something was wrong so I called my RE.

Of course her being 3 hours away and it being 4 pm, she instructed me to go to the ER. I honestly contemplated just sucking it up and waiting. I mean, who really wants to sit in the ER during Flu/Strep/Cold season and wait for hours.

I decided to go…after all, what if it was something I could fix with quick treatment. I chose a hospital that’s known for it’s hospitality and quick service. I walked in (barely). It was pouring rain. I checked in and waited to be called back (5 min later). The doctor was very attentive and wanted to quickly run a bunch of tests. She wasn’t dramatic but she also didn’t brush me off. I liked her. She ordered a urine pregnancy test, UTI test, a blood test for both pregnancy and to test other levels such as blood cell counts and things of that nature.

Urine was clear, no ketone’s which indicated no UTI. No elevation of any of the white blood cells so no infection. Regular bowel movements. Potassium was  low so they  made me drink this nasty orange drink. My fault for not eating enough leafy greens and bananas. So they decided to do a sonogram. I told the tech I was super early on and they seem mesmerized at the fact that my last period was back in November and I was claiming to only be 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant. The doctor kept saying when was your “transplant”. I figure they don’t see many IVF patients.

So they hook me up to an IV which I truly didn’t need. My bladder was already very full from all of the water I already drink. I had to wait 30 minutes because the tech had a more urgent patient next door. It sounded like her news wasn’t good as I heard loud voices and cries next door in the ultrasound room.

I waited patiently as I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the results of the scan. I was about to bust by the time she came in and got me. I didn’t know if I could make it to the next room without peeing on myself. I made it though. She put the cold jelly on my tummy and scanned away. She said my bladder was extremely full, which I could have told anyone. HA! She was so sweet! She told me she is currently on progesterone injections because she doesn’t produce enough on her own. She has been trying to get pregnant for a year now. We talked about that while she measured. I kept seeing two large black spots on the screen. I kept thinking, “are there two babies in there?” She couldn’t answer my questions about the two spots because she has to wait for the doctor.

And then, there it was…a little flickering heart beat. She tried to measure it was it was hard with probe being on top of the tummy. She said she would need to get more measurements and details for the doctor so she was going to have to switch to an trans- vaginal ultrasound. I quickly changed, feeling better about seeing a heart beat.

Once again, she was scanning. The heart rate was 145 bpm. I cried…a joyful relieved cry. I wish my husband would have been able to come.

I was in there for about 35 minutes getting all of these measurements. The tech typed up her notes and the doctor came in 5 minutes later. She explained that I have a Subchorionic Hematoma, which is causing the pain and cramping (besides normal implantation cramps). This is also what was causing the large black spot on the sonogram right behind my baby.

Now, I’m very familiar with this condition. I have had it before… 9 years ago. It was all coming back to me. I remember the hell of bed-rest, pelvic rest and bleeding/cramps. UGH!

Sure enough, she suggested the same recommendations. Bed-rest…I can’t do bed-rest. Yes, I love my kid and I don’t want to lose my child, but I will lose my insurance if I leave my job. I will lose half of our household income as well. This was NOT in the plans. I asked if there is any way I can do “light-duty” at work. Basically, this will consist of me sitting on my butt as much as possible. She said she would prefer bed-rest but that she will write a note for light duty and then I will need to talk to my RE for further instruction.

Fast forward to this morning, I told my principal and she was understanding. My co-workers seem to understand which was great. Now I’ve got to figure out what to do about Photography. I can’t sit in photography. I have a bridal shower to shoot on Saturday. It has been booked for 5 months now. I also have a very pregnant woman (due any day) that I have to photograph tomorrow. These are not things I can re-schedule and I realize, I may be putting them in a huge bind, by backing out.

My RE nurse called me to check and see what happened. I told her and she said she would need to talk to Dr. N to see what to do next.

Next up: Ultrasound today at 4 pm. My husband will get to be there this time. Hoping I actually get a print out and get to hear it.

7 weeks 1 day

So February 9th  was my 3rd beta. I was 5 weeks and 5 days at that point. My beta was 9,900. I expected it to be much higher since my beta 7 days prior had been 2174. My nurse seemed to think that was a good number so I tried not to worry. My first viability scan is scheduled for this Tuesday (feb 21). The technician is super dingy and runs late so I’m not at all excited. She usually misses everything on the scans and then I end up being sent to the main clinic, 3 hours away. This causes lots of worry, time, and money. I remember during my final follicle scan before retrieval, she couldn’t find any of my follicles. I ended up bawling, the entire rest of the day. My clinic 3 hours away requested I come in the next day on a Saturday. I was scheduled to work so I had to call in. Turned out all of my follicles were fine and there. Then when I showed up for my final lining check before transfer, she wasn’t there. I Facebook messaged her, and she was like, “Oh I forgot you were coming.” Come on!!! I ended up being 3 hours late for work. Living in a small town with very limited resources sucks. So now I’m just imagining myself in her exam room with the probe shoved up my whoo-ha and her saying, “hmmm..I’m not finding a baby”.

So symptoms are hit and miss. Breast tenderness, occasional nausea, and white discharge is mainly it. I’m not peeing a lot, only occasional headaches, not much bloat, no more hungriness than normal.

I made the mistake of starting to check my cervix. Not everyday, more like every 3rd day. Everything was completely closed until yesterday. Yesterday it was open! I’m not saying I could shove a finger in there but it was not closed either. This sent me into total panic. I was convinced this meant imminent miscarriage. Now I’m not bleeding but the very occasional cramps are deep..like the kind you get right before a bad period.

I haven’t let myself get too excited or happy this entire time. None of our embryos were PGS tested so I have no idea if they were even normal. I have been genetically tested for many common genetic abnormalities and I only came up positive for MTHFR gene mutation (hetero) which is less severe compared to homo. I was tested by a different clinic and my current clinic doesn’t seem to understand what it is. They just prescribed me more folic acid which is toxic to someone with MTHFR. anyways, if was explained to me that if I were to test positive for more deterimental genetic problems, then they would test my husband. I’m not sure why it really would matter whether I did or not. I would think if he has a line of problems, that would be just as likely to causes problems with the baby.

I feel so negative today..I’m on this kick that something will be wrong or everything will be right and then it will just all of the sudden, take a bad turn.

I’m impatiently waiting for Tuesday.

5 weeks & 3 days

Today, my little one is the size of a chocolate chip. Who knew that something so tiny could cause so much emotion. I pray that little chip keeps growing and progressing.

Currently, I am experiencing minor occasional cramps, slight headaches every once in a while, moodiness, and breast tenderness. I am full of anxiety and every little abnormal feeling turns into thoughts of complete despair. I just keep reminding myself that this is all in God’s hands.

My beta last Monday morning was 611. Thursday afternoon, it reached 2176. I have one more beta to do this coming Thursday afternoon. If all goes well, I will get to do my first sonogram the week of Feb 20th-24th. I’m so ready to see my little one. It seems that many of us women suffer a miscarriage at some point in life. I had my first miscarriage during my very first pregnancy, 11 years ago. I had a chemical pregnancy last year. I’m praying and praying. I try to take it as easy as possible most days but my anxiety makes it hard.

HT came home Sunday evening with a fever and severe congestion. Monday morning he woke up with a blazing 102 temp. Sore throat, chills, headache, congestion, sore throat with a cough….the dreaded FLU.

The FLU is literally the plague to me. I catch it every year weather I get vaccinated or not. The intensity is never better either way. I usually get hospitalized or I’m out of work for a minimum of a week. Being that I’ve taken off so much work for IVF, I can’t afford to catch the flu. For the past two days, I’ve been walking around the house with latex gloves and a medical mask. My hands are cracking and bleeding from how much washing or germ-xing I’ve been doing and I’ve gone through a can of Lysol in one day. I also work at a primary school where there are hundreds of kids that have been out daily over the past two weeks. I’m just trying to remain as isolated as possible. Not only do I not want to miss more work, I also don’t want to risk the birth defects/miscarriage that may accompany the high fever that the FLU brings.

Anyways, I will update on Friday when I get my final beta results.